Sex vs. Gender

I feel like I’ve talked about this topic ad nauseam. I’ve written about it for my Mommie Dearest column over at The Frisky. I’ve brain dumped all over this blog about it:

Here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and… you get the picture.

It’s no surprise that many of those posts are the ones that get the most reactions/responses from folks. Clearly there is a lot to unravel and process when we’re talking sex and gender and children and society. In a society that seems to trade on the pink/blue divide, this conversation is never going to go away. So we need to keep talking about it.

This morning I was working out at the Y and watching one of the TVs that was on. The Today Show had a segment on whether or not to find out your baby’s “gender.” From the elliptical, barely catching my breath, I live tweeted some thoughts:

The one thing I could get on board with regarding the Today Show piece was the mention that regardless of what you decide, everyone will have a say in it – something any parent will become all too familiar with during pregnancy and beyond.

I could fill this space with more ranting and raving about kids and gender and society, but I’ve done that many times over (see above). I’m sure I’ll still be writing about it well into the future. But for now, I need to have a little fun…

(All pictures are my own)




This is one of my fav pix ever. It’s of the kiddo and his bff (still to this day!). They were frequently misgendered. People really seemed tone flustered if they couldn’t tell. Would they treat them any differently? WHY did they need to know?


Please – please feel free to make your own with your pix and share them! (I used

16 thoughts on “Sex vs. Gender

  1. As someone with a newly out 11-year-old transgirl, thank you! People keep telling us we’re handling this well. If I could take a stab at why, I’d say it’s because we’ve always treated our kids like kids, not like boy kids and girl kids. Play with trucks? Sure! Paint your nails? Sure! Wear whatever colour you want? Sure! So what we have now is the same kid who is identifying as a different gender. There’s no sense of gender loss going on. My only stress is how society is going to deal with her. We’ve come a long way, but, as we both know, we still have a very long way to go.

    • Good luck to you and your entire family. It sounds like your daughter has an amazing support system, and I hope her larger community is just as accepting. Hopefully society as a whole will get the message soon and follow suit!

  2. Couldn’t agree with you more! We are having a daughter in 2 months and I had to correct my mother in law who said the outfit I was holding was “boy colors”. Boys do not own primary colors!

    • As my friend Melissa Wardy from Pigtail Pals is so fond of saying: “Colors are for everyone!” I’ve adopted it as one of those quick comebacks for whenever anyone – adult or kid – says something contrary to that thought.

  3. We didn’t find out the sex, because we didn’t care, and parent gender neutral anyway. So many people either ask “boy or girl?” or assume girl. We don’t correct them (because there is nothing offensive about being a girl), but will use “he” when answering questions and then they freak out and say “Oh, I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell!” to which I always reply “Well yeah, the diaper is covering his penis.” I don’t get the obsession. I really don’t.

    • Yeah, when the kiddo was a baby, I rarely corrected. As he got older and the midgendering clearly bothered him, I’d gently correct. Now, at 7, he is quite happy to politely correct folks on his own (b/c yes, he *still* gets misgendered frequently, even though he totally reads – nay, screams! – “boy” to me (whatever that means).

  4. Felt like I needed to share this one today with my fb peeps. Great post.

    My daughter (4yrs old) told me a story this morning about how her friend is “just so silly” because she put the “blue tattoos on her arm instead of the pink one”. I asked her why that was silly and of course she said pink is for girls and blue is for boys. I asked her why she thought that and she said because her teacher handed out the blue ones to the boys and the pink ones to the girls. I adore her teacher but it really got my head spinning. It’s so hard to get the point of equality across to my daughter when even her pre k teacher is telling her different.

      • I took a psychology of women class in college and haven’t been the same since when it comes to this topic. Now that I am a mother of both a girl and a boy, it weighs even heavier on my mind.

      • I definitely think a lot of the reading/studying I did in undergrad and grad school especially formed the basis for me to be much more critical about gender, marketing, sexism, etc…

        On Tue, Mar 18, 2014 at 2:40 PM, The Mamafesto wrote:


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