Name: Jessica Douglas-Monks
Age: 26
Occupation: Mother and psychology student
Location: Victoria, Australia
Any other relevant tidbits you’d care to share: I have been with my husband since we were 14, got engaged at 18 and married at 22. It hasn’t always been a picnic, don’t get me wrong, but it has been worth it 
Jessica
It’s not that hard to become disillusioned with politics lately, when it feels like individual rights are being challenged at every turn – especially if you’re a woman. Last week’s House hearing on birth control and religion not only fueled my frustration with the current political climate, but it also fueled me to write an open letter to Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro, one of the few representatives who spoke out against the circus that was the House hearing.
It felt good to get it out there – to express my frustration with what has been going on in our country regarding women’s health care, and at the same time give thanks to those who stand up for us. The letter helped me voice these things, and provided a platform for others to share their feelings. While I called it an open letter to Congresswoman DeLauro, I never actually anticipated that she would read it.
Imagine my surprise when I received a phone call from her yesterday. Really.
My disillusionment in politics was shaken for a moment.
Image via Huffington Post
It was a little surreal getting a phone call from the U.S. Capitol. Congresswoman DeLauro thanked me for my words, and, in turn, I thanked her for her attempt to share hers during Congressman Issa’s farce of a hearing.
After I took a few breaths and tamped down my fan-girling desire to squee (only natural, right?), I ended up having a pretty fantastic conversation with the Congresswoman. We discussed the hearing for a bit, and everything it entailed. Congresswoman DeLauro echoed my own thoughts when she said, “This whole situation is ugly.”
Ugly is right. The fact that a group of men were being called on to speak about women’s health is down right ugly and disastrous. (We were both equally baffled over MSNBC’s Morning Joe’s choice to have an all male panel discuss the House hearing’s…all male panel). Men can have a place at the table, but they should not be allowed to have the only voice in the discussion. To even think that washes away the years of fighting and struggling to achieve equality for women in this country.
Congresswoman DeLauro agreed with this sentiment and had some choice things to say about it.
It pushes back women’s individual rights. Look at what is happening in Virginia right now with the ultrasounds. It is a humiliation of women. It throw us back. You want to talk about violating individual rights? They’re having women be subject to a procedure whether they want it or not!
I feel very strongly, particularly that its all about trying to put women back in this space and place from which we have moved as decision makers. All of this is meant to put women back where they “ought” to be: this old ideology of what a woman’s place is.
Her words rang true, as one of my greatest fears is that as we begin to strip away these essential rights, we will leave women in a place that we’ve fought hard to pull ourselves out from. It was heartening to hear that we do have representatives on the Hill that have the same fears and are working tirelessly to protect our rights. Between my conversation with Congresswoman DeLauro and today’s House hearing sponsored by Nancy Pelosi (which included Sandra Fluke’s testimony), my faith has been bolstered, and my desire and drive to continue the good fight has been fueled.
My conversation with the Congresswoman ended with this reminder from her: “It is important to speak out because these institutions will try to go as far as they can. It is important to speak out!”
If you want to speak out and fight for your reproductive rights, please check out The Coalition To Protect Women’s Health Care – an organization that is sharing real stories from women.
…after an Aspirin, that is.
But really, sometimes you just need to laugh at the absurdity surrounding the current fight over reproductive rights. Because otherwise, it all just seems unbelievable… That we’re having House hearings on religion and birth control that don’t involve women, that states are requiring trans-vaginal ultrasounds for women seeking abortions, that the concept of “personhood” is even being put up for a vote.
With all the progress our country has made, the last few months have felt like we’ve somehow been transported back in time, where somebody goes on national television to suggest that an aspirin between the knees is effective birth control. (Spoiler Alert: it’s not.)
While I have no shortage of outrage, frustration, and a wee bit of fear surrounding all of this, I also need to laugh at times, because then otherwise, I’d just be crying. And because sometimes it feels like this is one big SNL skit. I’m (not-so) patiently waiting for Loren Michaels to yell, “Cut!”
Watch Seth Meyers & Amy Poehler take the birth control debate on in Weekend Update. Really.
For the more literary amongst us, Jezebel has come up with an “Abortion Law Mad Libs” – so grab a partner, break out the pens, and start thinking up some clever nouns, verbs, and adjectives!
How do *you* deal with the absurdity of it all?
This is an open letter of thanks to Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro (D – CT) after watching her speak at the House hearing today on religious freedom and birth control. You can read most of my thoughts on the entire hearing via my twitter feed (scroll down to see from the beginning).
Dear Congresswoman DeLauro,
It it with pride and appreciation that I find myself writing this letter to you. Sadly, I am also fueled to write this letter out of anger, frustration and indignation.
Earlier today I was glued to the live feed of Representative Darrell Issa’s hearing on religious freedom and birth control. The hearing, spurred by the ongoing controversy over HHS regulations on birth control coverage by religious employers, included a panel of religious leaders of various denominations.
At first, I was shocked. Here was a panel, convened to discuss issues of birth control, and not one of them was a woman.
Image via Planned Parenthood
My shock quickly turned to outrage as I listened to these men discuss issues intimately connected to women without a second thought that something was missing – that some voice was missing. It was incredibly telling that many of your female colleagues walked out of the hearing in disgust and anger at the lack of women involved.
My anger was tempered slightly as I watched some of your colleagues speak, pointing out what I had noticed – that in a discussion about birth control, the fact that there were no women present on the panel was indeed a huge oversight. However, any comfort I felt in that was challenged again as other Representatives made sweeping statements about first Amendment rights violations. A lot of buzzwords and catch phrases were tossed around, with both panel members and various Representatives claiming that liberty and freedom was being infringed upon with the decision to make all businesses (regardless of religion) provide coverage for birth control.
We heard from both sides of the debate, but sadly, we heard from very few women. Then I saw a familiar face. I may live in Massachusetts now, but as a former nutmegger, I was once a constituent of yours, and literally felt a wave of relief when I realized you were about to speak.
You brought up crucial points that many seemed to be missing – that any church led business must act like a business and provide for the people that work for them, and that includes allowing them access to have insurance-covered birth control. You reminded everyone that contraceptive coverage is both outstanding and overdue in relation to women’s health. You stood up as a Catholic, and made the point that you support the new guidelines not in spite of being a Catholic, but because you are a Catholic.
I knew you would bring clarity, perspective, and common sense to this issue. And you did…only to be rudely cut off just minutes in.
I wish you would have been given the time to finish your thoughts, as they were sorely needed in the discussion. As I stated at the beginning of this letter, I felt pride in watching you not waver in your belief and knowledge in what is right in this situation. I was proud that you did not back down in your stance to promote and protect women’s health and access to insurance-covered birth control. I commend you on taking on not only the panel, but your colleagues that support it. While the number of women even sitting in that room this morning was appallingly low, thank you for attempting to give us voice and speak to the truth of the situation – it is appreciated by many.
Please continue to fight for the women in this country, Congresswoman DeLauro. Please continue to be our much needed voice when it’s clear that many neither value or trust in it.
I am still flabbergasted that we live in a country that is even having hearings like this. I am dismayed that issues like access to birth control are even being brought up for Congressional debate. Yet I’m heartened that we have folks like you, and Representatives Davis, Cummings, Clay, and others speak up for what, according to Representative Connolly, surely looked like a sham and a shameful exercise.
In support & gratitude,
Avital Norman Nathman
Name: Danielle
Age: 23
Occupation: Philanthropy Consultant
Location: Chicago
Any other relevant tidbits you’d care to share: My husband and I chose a completely new last name upon marriage, rejecting the patriarchal norm to assume the husband’s family name and upholding the right to rethink tradition as a feminist Christian couple.
Danielle
What do you get a kid who his currently obsessed with all things science? Who will sit for hours pouring over his sizable collection of Magic School Bus books and National Geographic Kid’s magazines?
We certainly don’t need anymore stuff in our house. We’re filled to the brim with toys, books, art supplies, etc… and I didn’t want to add to any of that. What he does need, however, are clothes. It seems like every other week EZ grows just a smidge bit more, with his pants resting right above his ankles, taunting me.
Then I came across these pjs from Old Navy and thought I’d figured out a way to solve two problems at once (go me!).
EZ definitely could use a few more pajamas, and I knew he would love these. It’s like wearing your organs outside your body – cool & gross at the same time, which is one of his favored categories at the moment.
They finally arrived the other day, and I knew they would be an immediate hit. I quickly pulled them out of the packaging to inspect. The first thing I noticed was that, for some reason, they weren’t as soft as the the Old Navy pjs we own. (I assumed a run through the washing machine would fix that. It didn’t. Total bummer.) The second thing I saw was that some of the body parts had labels, something I hadn’t noticed when purchasing the pjs online. They were mostly innocuous: “Dr. Love” for the heart, “toot factory” for the colon (um, ew.), and “funny bone” for the, er… funny bone. As I scanned the rest of the parts, I had to restrain myself when I came across this one, located in the leg:
"muscles from dad"
Sigh.
Why, Old Navy, why? Why play into these gendered stereotypes that I’m more than done talking about? Why not “muscles from mom”?
Showing off my muscles with a toddler EZ
Or better yet… Why not “strong muscles from eating good food”? Or “strong muscles from exercising”?
Dads aren’t not the only ones with muscles, but when it comes to attaching traits to parents (and kids), most clothing lines (and this is not only specific to Old Navy) default to easy, tired tropes and stereotypes related to gender.
This post isn’t meant to vilify Old Navy. In fact, they do a semi-decent job of offering a range of choices for boys and girls (if you can stand to flip through the vast amount of pink stuff for girls, and sea of blue and green for boys).
But this points to the larger, systemic, more ingrained pattern I’ve been seeing. From board games and toys to clothing, stereotypical notions about gender continue to be promoted and accepted.
Boys are dirty...
...and girls are princesses
As I’ve talked about before, this problem is cyclical. Stores put out these types of clothes, people do buy them, and the store continues to put them out. The reality is that the majority of these stores all have low price points, and to be able to find stores that don’t push tired stereotypes or sexualized messages/trends, you sometimes have to be willing to pay more, and frankly, that sucks.
Speaking of messages, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the current JC Penny debacle with Ellen Degeneres. JCP hired Ellen as their new spokesperson, and the conservative group One Million Moms decided to boycott the store because they disagreed with Ellen as the new face of the company. I absolutely despise One Million Moms and their views, and actually found myself agreeing with Bill O’Reilly over this issue. (I know. I checked outside my window to see if I could find any flying pigs too).
While I certainly applaud JCP for standing up for their choice in using Ellen as their spokesperson, I wish they would acknowledge the poor choices they’ve made, and continue to make in regards to the other messages they promote through their clothes.
Melissa from Pigtail Pals does a great job of explaining just what I mean in her latest blog post. We can’t stop excusing stores that continue to churn out these types of clothing, whether purposefully or not. The fact that many of these stores don’t even realize that what they’re doing can be harmful speaks volumes. Let’s continue to push for change and not accept mediocre results – our kids are worth more than that.
We’re a gaming family. Not so much the video kind (although we’ve been known to get our Mario Kart on), but more so of the board persuasion. Both MD and I played board games growing up, and we started our own substantial collection when we got together.
When EZ turned 4, we started getting him in on the action. We started with Chutes & Ladders and Candy Land, and soon he was addicted as well. Every so often we’ll add a new one to our collection, and they are usually child-friendly. This past weekend we picked up both Operation and Guess Who. Operation has changed a bit…there’s no longer a bread basket or butterflies in the tummy (instead there’s “cellphone wrist” and neon green boogers…both of which I’m sure we’ll lose in the next week or two, as is par for the course with any tiny game piece).
Then there’s Guess Who. I loved that game as a kid, and was super excited to play with EZ. But I have to say, once we set it up and got started I was shocked. Out of 25 characters to choose from, only 5 are women. That couldn’t be right, I thought, and rushed to see what the original game had…
Original Guess Who
It also only had 5 (It was also extremely white-washed. The current version is a bit more colorful). And then it all came rushing back to me. Whenever I played as a kid, I hardly ever picked the girls. Why? Because when you’re as calculating and competitive as I am, you knew that the odds would never be in your favor if you chose a girl. She’d be guessed in less than 3 questions.
Yeah, I can't get excited over a victory that is basically handed to you on a sexist platter.
And you know what? EZ is picking up on that now. He hardly picks a female character because he knows that I’ll be able to guess it in a couple of questions. We’ve mostly stuck to the animal side of the board (where this is almost an even ratio of cat:dog, mind you), and I’m trying to figure out if we can somehow create our own board to use.
I could get all angry and up in arms over how Guess Who is a totally sexist game, but really, instead of being shocked and angry, I have to admit, when this all sank in, I was more disappointed than anything else. I doubt it was a conscious choice on the part of Hasbro to only include 5 women in the game. In fact, that’s the problem…Nobody thought about it.
It’s part of a larger, systemic issue, one that is perfectly laid out for us with the latest drama surrounding LEGO’s new girl line. LEGO continues to claim that their research has shown that girls just don’t like their gender neutral sets, and the company won’t back down from promoting their new LEGO Friends girl line, no matter how upset customers are. But the problem goes beyond LEGO Friends.
Pigtail Pals recently posted a picture from LEGOLand, showing a LEGO female firefighter (yay!) putting on lipstick (WTF?). Nobody from LEGO corporate (or any park employee) took a second to think about why that could be off putting and completely sexist? I have nothing against wearing make up, but to portray a woman as a firefighter, and then to rely on tired stereotypes to complete the piece seems like poor form to me.
But should we be so surprised when the management team for LEGO is compromised solely of older white men? (That ironically look like they belong in the original Guess Who). Their board of directors isn’t any better, including only one woman, who incidentally joined the board just this past May.
Looking at who makes up the decision-making team of LEGO, one immediate solution jumps to mind: More women. Sure, it might not solve all of their issues, but it would be a good start. We need more women in these types of positions…or we at least need more people in charge that will take a second to really think through some of these decisions.
Hm…maybe we can have the firefighter carry an ax or fire extinguisher instead of touching up her lipstick?
Why don’t we have half men and half women in the next edition of Guess Who? That will really throw them for a loop!
Let’s be the change we want to see. Let’s encourage our daughters and our sons to find their way into jobs that impact society for the better, so perhaps one day they’ll be the ones making these types of decisions and they’ll make better ones.
